My confessions and observations

Its year 2016. We have computers, games, game engines, indie-pocalypses,million selling indie titles which we all elaborate on to create, millions dollar securing enterpreneurs. Everyone has start-ups. Chasing money, getting investments with weird projects who can't survive a year or less. I feel like there is too much noise and i feel like can't catch anything. My tendency these days is to stay away from mentoring blogs, tutorials and enterpreneur people stories. They make me feel like i'm nothing, a poor human being (a javascript developer and a curious game maker) struggling to create something respectful.

Last week i was definitely thinking about going to China and join the Shaolin priests to learn kung-fu to get rid of everything related with technology and modern era. (This thought is still running in my head as a background process).

I feel shameful to call myself as a game developer. Did you think about what if Unity game engine or Unreal Engine or Flash doesn't exist at all? What kind of game were you be working on? Tabletop Chess? A version of Go? A new version of bridge? A dice game? (These game engines i mentioned are created by "Awesome" people to serve a game maker/developer community in any way possible. Those softwares are creations of genious minds they deserve respect.

A game developer can download a nice 3D asset for $30 from the asset store or using pre-animated skeletons from Mixamo. With all the textures are ready, lights are baked and polygons optimized and characters moving realistic, we can make a scene very eye candy. This can be defended like, "There are artists who are making a living by selling their art and i can not be held responsible of this systems mechanics". You can get angry with me more like "Ok, i know where this is going. What if Photoshop doesn't exist? How does designers work? Or if computers doesn't exist, how can you calculate any thing fast enough? How can a vehicle repairer work if there are no screwdrivers?"

I'm not telling here that i'm downloading all asset store here. I'm always staying away from premade assets and scripts and trying to learn from a script if its a solution of something i'm looking for. I started questioning everything and felt bad for using this awesome tools. Will this tools make me a game developer or make me feel like a game developer? What i'm telling is a game engine, software/framework, a tool is a huge dependency and i started to feel like i'm depending more and more to this workflow and its non-existency at this level started to give me serious paranoia. Ask yourself, are you a game developer if you are just using Unity?

There are "REAL" Game Developers/Game Artists out there(which i cannot be part of them ever (a very low possibily but in 5 years if i choose to learn C++ and decide on writing my own game engine, i can) who are struggling to create something from scratch(i mean writing his/her own game engine, tools etc.) with their own resources and their awesome talented math filled brains. (I'm seriously bad with math btw). Please don't feel down if you are a developer like this. I have real respect for you and I can kneel before you.

While trying to adapt this new consumer era I started to be scared. There is a young, ambitious and competetive generation who can use popular tools and create amazing stuff but probably not considered valuable as the old real developers' games and will be lost in the noise. If you want to stand against this new stream you need to have big balls and serious capital.

Here is a quote of Jonathan Blow on Braid Gamasutra article When Braid came out it was a really good time to be an independent developer. I told people to enjoy it while it lasts.. It was 2007!

Everything seems crazy complex to me these days. [Post image is a grasshopper swarm flying around a kid.]

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